Who We Are: Self-Observation
Do you know who you are?
Do you have a strong sense of Self?
Such questions sometime lull us into a state of confusion. A sense of Self is our identity, who we are. If we believe that we truly know who we are, then why should we doubt? Throughout our lives, we are constantly seeking for the truth of our identity. The purpose of this article will attempt to answer these questions, using the clues based on certain readings. However, the aim here is solely on the self-observation and the clues for the understanding of who we are. The readings will include The Myth of Sanity by Martha Stout, Trapped in the Mirror by Elan Golomb, and Unholy Hungers: Encountering the Psychic Vampire in Ourselves and Others by Barbara Hort. It is my hope that I would help the reader to understand that self-observation is one of the keys for them to understand themselves. It is a suggestion that the readers should acquire and read these books in certain order as listed above for their research.
I shall sum up briefly of these books. The Myth of Sanity is Dr. Martha Stout’s study and analysis on dissociated mental (or ego) states, forgotten memories of childhood or adult trauma, and multiple personality disorders. She brings the tales of dissociated states or multiple personality from her patients and her experiences with them, and how these states are often common in everyday life. This book is truly inspiring and an eye-opener. Secondly, Elan Golomb’s Trapped in the Mirror revealed the narcissism in the intrafamily relationships and struggle for self. Golomb’s book is very important to understand ourselves as individuals. Are we independent or dependent individuals? Do we have our own “self” or a “self” created by our parents? This book brings about those issues and better help to understand ourselves and others. Finally, in Unholy Hunger, Barbara Hort discussed her most intriguing study on the dark psychological archetype of what we would know as a “Vampire.” In this study, she is looking at the psychic vampires, who are very much like everyone else as they are the people who thirst for power, robbing other individuals of their energies. Hort’s work showed how easily we can be caught into the psychic vampire’s grasp, and this is important because it showed our weaknesses and strengths during our interaction with people.
These three books are the main sources that I shall draw from for this article. They would help understand ourselves as unique individuals and being in control of our lives. How do these sources help us to discover who we are? I do not pretend to tell the readers that these books will tell everything about them. They will not do so, but they provide the important clues to which we would need to add to the self-knowledge and to what we would need to look for while we are engaging in self-observation. They also will help take away the lies and illusion of what we believe ourselves to be. And, I will bring several important clues from these readings and might be able to help the readers to shine their way to developing their individuality or to understand it more profoundly. I shall break into sections as in order of the readings and how would they apply to the readers’ understandings. But first, I shall address what is a self-observation. According to G.I. Gurdjieff:
The principle ‘know thyself’ embraces a very rich content. It demands, in the first place, that a man who wants to know himself should understand what this means, with what it is connected, what it necessarily depends upon…Knowledge of oneself is a very big, but a very vague and distant, aim. Man in his present state is very far from self-knowledge. Therefore, strictly speaking, his aim cannot even be defined as self-knowledge. Self-study must be his big aim. It is quite enough if a man understands that he must study himself. It must be man’s aim to begin to study himself, to know himself, in the right way…Self-study is the work or the way which leads to self-knowledge…But in order to study oneself one must first learn how to study, where to begin, what methods to use. A man must learn how to study himself, and he must study the methods of self-study…The chief method of self-study is self-observation. Without properly applied self-observation a man will never understand the connection and the correlation between the various functions of his machine, will never understand how and why on each separate occasion everything in him ‘happens.’” (Ouspensky, 105)
Gurdjieff detailed the importance of self-observation as stated, but the methods are complex and vary. The three books will bring about the few of the basic exercises of the “methods” to help one to be engaged in self-observation. This will lead one to understand oneself better. Interesting enough, self-observation will bring one many surprises about oneself, both good and bad, things that they will never expect to see in themselves. Simply put, it is one of many ways to know yourself.
The first clue that I shall address is what is called “dissociation.” In Martha Stout’s words, a dissociation is “the universal human reaction to extreme fear or pain…in traumatic situations, [it] mercifully allows us to disconnect emotional content – the feeling part of our ‘selves’ – from our conscious awareness” (Stout, p. 8 ). This term is important for us as it should be applied to our understanding of being self-aware, of being self-conscious. Self-awareness is extremely important because, without it, we would not have known ourselves to exist. It is part of who we are. When we are in a dissociated state, our self-awareness had left our bodies and is elsewhere, and our bodies are either in trance or doing what they normally do. Much like a machine, now is it not? To put it in another way as Stout pointed it out: “As the result of a daydream, this mental compartmentalization is called distraction. As the result of an involving movie, it is often called escape. As the result of trauma, physical or psychological, it is called a dissociative state” (Stout, 27). Whenever we are distracted, we are in a mildly dissociative state.
Distraction and escape are quite familiar to every reader because they live these states almost constantly. When we are driving and thinking about something else while our automatic bodies do the driving, we are in a dissociative state. How is this so? Because our minds are away from our bodies and not focusing on the driving as we should have. We would forget our surroundings and our bodies’ reactions to those surroundings. Whenever we are distracted, our minds are detached from our bodies’ sensation to whatever object was touched. Has a reader ever noticed how they got the cut on their leg or arm and not remembered where they had gotten it? This is one of the consequences of being in a dissociated state.
How an understanding of “dissociation” would be a clue for us to be in an exercise of “self-observation?” A self-observation requires one to be fully conscious of one’s being and one’s surroundings. Distraction actually can hinder us to be engaged in self-observation. We would lose ourselves, letting our sense of self be far away from our bodies. What if you are not in control of your bodies and your bodies are being influenced to do things that you yourself would never do? This brought us to the question of our minds being controlled or influenced without our being aware of it. But, this should not be a scary notion on the readers’ mind. We do have a choice to make: to be or not to be. This brings us to what is called a “dissociative identity disorder.”
A dissociative identity disorder is the presence of more than one different identity residing in one’s mind and would sometime take control of one’s body (Stout, 147). This is commonly known as Multiple Personality Disorder. The term has changed due to a recent research on trauma studies. However, this disorder will not be discussed in length here, and I am merely pointing out that there are several or less dissociative ego states residing in our minds without our being aware of them. For those with the disorder, these ego states would take over the bodies and interact with the people. But, since we are all dissociative to some extent or other, we can be associated or identify with these ego states. The important point to be stressed is the fact that these ego states can influence our minds, our perceptions, and our actions. However, on a safe note, we can choose to not be associated with these states. By not associating, we can strengthen our sense of self.
Stout has given us the list of signs of dissociates states in ourselves in her book and we can identify which one we would fall under. The first of them is a “brief phasing out [is] momentarily departing from present experience,” which is commonly a stage fright or performance anxiety. Habitual dissociative reaction is the second sign that involve “the repeated mental absences.” Have you ever said to someone: “Earth to John, Earth to John?” It is someone who is lost frequently in a conversation or during the day. A third sign is dissociation from feeling states, which is an emotionless state during the important events, such as birth of a baby or a wedding, where one should be joyful or happy. Next is an intrusion of dissociated ego state, where one’s personality can be darkened with an entering of “an extra personality.” A good example of this is when a thought immediately following this state: “Why am I angry at her all of the sudden?” Fifth, a demifugue is a state of “generalized detachment from self and others,” where one would be drifted off to a faraway place and everything else is far from one’s awareness. Finally, a fugue is somewhat unique but dangerous to one’s awareness. Stout stated that “during this state, one’s life appears, from the outside, to go on more or less as usual…the self-aware center – the part wishes, dreams, has emotions, and remembers – takes flight.” During the fugue state, one would not have memories of anything that happened and this state would last four to more days. (Stout, 218 – 21)
These signs, provided by Stout, are extremely helpful to discover the clues about ourselves and compel us to be more aware of our actions and reactions in everyday life. In order to be self-observant, one would need to develop an observing ego. Stout pointed out that an “increased self-observation exercises the observing ego, the part of the self that will be able to view dissociation as a currently unnecessary limit upon one’s freedom” (Stout, 231-2). If we choose to do so, we can look at ourselves and find one or more of these signs in ourselves. Once we do find these dissociative states in ourselves, we can choose not to be associated with them, as I already mentioned, and to keep our self-aware active.
Stout’s Myth of Sanity is an important study in one’s need to be engaged in self-observation. Increased self-observation will help one to become more self-conscious of one’s surrounding and become more attentive to people’s action as well as one’s own. Self-observation is an essential exercise for us to be engaged in order to look for more clues within ourselves. The next clue to our understanding about who we are is in the study of narcissism.
In Trapped in the Mirror, Elan Golomb addressed the issue of narcissism in us, as well in others. The author pointed out the list of narcissism, but this will not be discussed in detail here. The reader should refer to this book for more understanding about the narcissism. However, in her words, “a narcissist is interested only in what reflects on her…all she does or experiences is seen as a reflection of self” (Golomb, 18). Narcissism is focused on self-centered, and a narcissist sees the world as one wanted to see, not as it is. A narcissist has no care for others, but only for the self. Since we are living in a narcissist society, we would have some narcissistic traits in ourselves and it became so without our being aware of them. Some of these traits include shamelessness, wishful thinking, arrogance, envy, entitlement, exploitation, and bad boundaries (for more on these specific traits, read Why is it Always About You? by Sandy Hotchkiss). With the use of self-observation, we can find these traits in ourselves and choose not to give into these traits.
Since I shall not list or detail all of these clues in Golomb’s book, I will only address couple of them here. The one important thing, in my opinion, for us to know is the state of “invisible force.” An invisible force is the irrational influence one screened with many rationalizations and it is “what holds [one] back and prompts the most peculiar behavior” (Golomb, 48). It is what holds us back from achieving our goals or maintaining our direction in life. It is the one that compels us to quit rather than to see it through. May it be a career, a project, or a relationship. An example of this would be a self-defeating tactic. This is common to which we had experiences with an invisible force in some instances of our lives. By being aware of this invisible force and know that it is not our conscience, we can choose not to give in to this force and fight it out. Golomb stated that “giving in has the spirit of surrender in which you please the other by disregarding your self” (Golomb, 236). When we do give in to an invisible force, we would become weaker and lessen our sense of self. But, when we fight the force and take a stand, we solidify our self-identity. Golomb pointed out that “a sense of self develops from interaction with people and from deeds that set you on the road” (Golomb, 219). Our actions do indeed shape who we are.
Secondly, the lack of humility is “the mark of a shaky ego [which] leads to the inability to learn from mistakes [and] one must go on doing the same things as proof of one’s infallibility” (Golomb, 107). This second clue is quite obvious to the readers that we should learn from our mistakes, but if we do not, we tend to be stuck or trapped in our perilous journey, walking on our emotional narrow road. It may be fearful for us to look at ourselves as we are learning from our harsh experiences. One cannot deny or ignore those uneventful experiences because they surely can help us grow if we choose to. Golomb pointed out that the “experience confronts what we are taught to believe and what was drilled into our brains…[and] experience is needed to show us what we lack” (Golomb, 170, 173). This leads us to another and most important clue.
When we are with other individuals, we tend to see some traits in them that we do not want to see in ourselves. The people whom we most dislike or uncomfortable with are the ones whose traits that we are denying in ourselves. In Golomb’s study, “to free herself, [one] needs to know in her guts, not merely in her head, that what she hates in others is the weakness she finds in herself” (Golomb, 109). This will help us to understand that these hateful traits we must confront in order to achieve a lesson and grow. Traits are parts of our personalities. We can choose certain traits to become part of our personalities, but we can also choose not to let certain traits to control us. But, they certainly can influence us. In a sense, we can choose what trait we can act on and what trait we choose not to act on, but we cannot deny any traits of ourselves, which is considered to be our “shadows.” According to Barbara Hort in her Unholy Hunger, the most traits “of any loved one are always the traits, good or bad, that we don’t acknowledge in ourselves – our shadows” (Hort, 207). Our shadows are our traits that we don’t even know about. This is the most important clue to which we would need to discover some hidden aspects about ourselves.
Hort’s Unholy Hungers addressed the issue of psychic vampires and the truth behind them. From this book, I would like to point out two most important clues: psychic vampires and archetypes. Psychic vampires are commonly known to be the people who drain other individuals of their vital energies. These may be our loved ones, co-workers, friends, or even a stranger just passing by. Hort pointed out two ways to know if we have been in a presence of a vampire: “the first is a feeling of shameful insufficiency…in this state, we feel that our flaws make us unworthy of life, love, and simple human respect…[and] the yearning for replenishment is the second symptom of having encountered a psychic vampire, and it usually is experienced as a hunger for more” (Hort, 15-6). When we were in the presence of a psychic vampire, we also run the risk of becoming one ourselves. The desire for more energy will compel us to manipulate other individuals and rob them of their energy. This will engage us to use exploitation, which focuses on satisfying our cravings at another people’s expense (Hort, 18-19). This is critical for us to be aware of.
Secondly, Jung’s model of an archetype is important in this book and for us. According to Jung via Hort, “every human psyche is composed of basic elements called archetypes…[which are] constellations of energies or traits that make up our personalities…[and] the energies of an archetype will influence what we do, but even more importantly, it will influence how we do it” (Hort, 4 - 5). Hort called this type of archetype a “vampire” as relevant to her study. Readers should be referred to this book for more examples and tales to illuminate the importance of the vampire archetype. The one clue that we should be aware of is when the vampire archetype becomes active in ourselves, we would feel “compelled to pursue the psychic exploitation of others, driven by the vampire’s demonic assistants, fear and contempt” (Hort, 19). In order to deactivate this archetype in us, we must be reflective both in ourselves and others. We would need to maintain our consciousness as a way to reflect our light back to the darkness of the vampire, which would become deactivated. In Hort’s words, “the more you become aware of the vampire’s presence in your life, the brighter the sun of your consciousness will shine, and the safer you will be from the vampire” (Hort, 49). Another clue is to know the difference “between the clear, honest voice of intuition and the persuasive, deceptive murmurings of our wounds” (Hort, 110). Given that we are living in a narcissistic society, we are constantly being exposed to having our vampire archetype activated. We also need to be aware of the archetype’s influences on us before we blindly fall prey to the vampire’s grasp.
It is equally important that while being engaged in self-observation, the clues from these books will help us in a great deal. It is not just one moment or an hour of life that we should start looking for the clues during our so-called exercise of self-observation. It is advised to be as constant as humanly possible. Whenever we are driving our humble cars, or interacting with friends or co-workers, or working at our jobs. All it takes a moment at any time of the day that we will lose ourselves. It would be quite difficult to maintain focus on oneself every second, but it will be worth it. Why? Because you would know newer aspects of who you are, even in ways that you cannot imagine.
This link (http://www.controllingparents.com/links.htm) reveals a list of books for one’s need to study further on narcissism as well as other aspects of our psyche. By gathering more clues from other readings, one should be able to identify more “shadows” or negative traits in ourselves. When we do, we can become more aware of these traits before they emerge. When they do emerge, we can then make a choice not to be associated with them. This will bring us a unique feeling about ourselves…that we are truly in control of ourselves.
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Works Cited:
Hort, Barbara E. Unholy Hungers: Encountering the Psychic Vampire in Ourselves & Others; Boston: Shambhala, 1996.
Golomb, Elan. Trapped in the Mirror; New York: Quill, 1992.
Ouspensky, P.D. In Search of the Miraculous; New York: Harvest/HBJ Book, 1949.
Stout, Martha. Myth of Sanity: Divided Consciousness and the Promise of Awareness; New York: Penguin Books, 2002.
